Blurbs for the Home and Workplace

BLURBS FOR THE COWORKER

To get within ten feet of L____ is to experience the electrifying tension between the personal and the political. Equal parts gossipmonger and standard-issue drone, L____ breathes new life into middle management… anyone who ever wondered why the axiom “Thank God It’s Friday” maintains such resonance should look no further than L____’s cubicle, which blends family drama (cute kid photos), historic political commentary (“It’s the Economy, Stupid” bumper sticker) and classic twentieth-century recreational iconography (slinky) into a veritable smorgasbord for the corporate senses… truly one to keep an eye on.

—Mary F., accounting department

K____ has been planning her wedding for going on seventeen months, but for those who have the pleasure of sharing her workstation, the drama never ends. Borrowing from the traditions of both Jane Austen and Cosmo’s “10 Hottest Honeymoon Love Moves,” K____ puts in a solid eight hours every day without lapsing into the cliché of her actual job responsibilities. A must-have for anyone who ever got married, knew someone who got married, or might get married in the future.

—Pauline N., next cubicle on the left

BLURBS FOR RELATIVES

Every so often,a family member comes along who is simply impossible to categorize. G____ is neither twice-removed nor related to us by marriage.Yet he has a magician’s talent for pulling “quarters” out of ears. Over the course of his distinguished thirty-year career, G____ has borrowed upwards of seventy-five thousand dollars from us.Ask him when he plans to pay it back and the answer will leave you laughing, crying, and seeking legal counsel. If you owned stock in WorldCom you’ll sure want to own stock in G____.

—Ray, fourth cousin, seventeen-times-removed

BLURBS FOR PETS

With his latest work, Rex has firmly rooted himself in pantheon of notable Western dogs. Not only has he torn up the yard with energy and passion of an animal twice his size, he has done so with an un-self-consciousness that is the hallmark of true genius. With a remarkable rawness and realness, Rex draws from the tradition of American folk art, responding to any discussion of his “process” with a blank stare.

—Duke, stray terrier mix

BLURBS FOR THE LOVER

T____ had me at the proverbial hello. In an age when quoting South Park is a substitute for having a personality,T____’s sophisticated cultural references reveal the mind of a Renaissance man. He quotes from Wilco records,This American Life broadcasts, and once attended a dinner party with Nina Totenberg. (They clicked.) From his astonishing knowledge of Chilean wines to that hilarious story he always tells about his Boy Scout camping “accident,” T____ proves that you can major in cultural studies at...