Dear Beloved Believer Reader:
We are writing to you with an announcement of a brand new Believer endeavor! This September, classified advertisements are making a return to the printed page, where they can enjoy a long, healthy, semi-permanent existence on acid-free recycled paper. If you have a message to convey to the world (including but not limited to limericks, love letters, song lyrics, marriage proposals, and under-appreciated tweets) but hadn’t heretofore found a medium worthy of your words, consider this your moment: the Believer is introducing a “Classifieds” section at the inarguably reasonable cost of $1 per word. Ads can be placed by visiting believermag.com/classifieds, calling (415) 642-5609, or emailing email@example.com (use “classified submission” in the subject line). All submissions subject to editorial approval and nit-picking.
There’s more! As a whimsical, celebratory mid-morning twist, we’re awarding anyone who purchases a subscription the chance to claim some of this space gratis. All you have to do is subscribe or renew (or buy a gift subscription) TODAY between the hours of 10 am—1 pm PST and we will reward you with 25 words of ad space in a forthcoming issue. Forward your time-stamped order confirmation and your ad to firstname.lastname@example.org to claim your space.