The human condition rests between the poles of sociality and solitude. We all understand ourselves as alone in the world at the same time that we find ourselves surrounded—and formed—by others, for better and for worse. Despite any good point made about individual and cultural differences in how we view human relationships, the truth remains that we human beings crave the company of others; yet we also cherish our solitude or our autonomy. We will, on occasion, find ourselves surrounded by others whom we wish would go away, while at other times we will end up being or feeling alone, regretfully, without choosing that condition. So you might say that loneliness is a way of life—not only because there’s no avoiding it, but because it defines for us the contours of who we are and what we have the power to choose. In other words, it shows us the limits of our control over our own life circumstances.

Tom Dumm, political philosopher and professor of Political Science at Amherst College, has given over the writing portion of his life to an exploration of selfhood and the relation between personal stories and political theory in such works as united states (Cornell, 1994) and A Politics of the Ordinary (NYU, 1999). In his recent book, Loneliness as a Way of Life (Harvard, 2008), he combines reflection on personal loss and grief with new readings of classic pieces of American film and literature ranging from Moby Dick and Death of a Salesman to Paris, Texas.

In this interview, conducted over email during the summer of 2008, he unpacks the human baggage of grief and loneliness, and discusses how America is a distinctly lonely society, in part due to a misconceived idea of self-reliance. However, all is not lost. Loneliness may be damaging to our sense of well-being but, when the examined life proceeds in all honesty, its frank embrace of the inevitability of loneliness enriches us—and maybe makes us better at being with others.

—Jill Stauffer

I. THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE LONELY

BLVR: Who is lonely?

TD: At some point just about all of us experience loneliness. In a sense, it is what it means to be a sentient animal, to have an experience of separation from others, whether we are human beings or other animals—I’m pretty sure my dog Pip gets lonely when there is no one to be with him. But we humans can end up with a gnawing worry about that separation possibly becoming a permanent condition. I’m interested in why and when that happens. There are degrees...